Loss, forgotten, unwanted, not good enough. These are my biggest fears. my story is not a fun one. my earliest memories were mostly ones i wish i could forget. I was unwanted by the man who sired me, he wanted me dead. My mother wasn't around much because she was a single mom working full time, putting herself through college, and raising a baby (and i wasn't easy.) It was no fault of her own but i often felt forgotten. I wasn't good at making friends, partially because i was scared to lose them. I wasnt good enough for my own family it seemed, so why would the kids in my class be any different? i was so scared of losing anyone who got close to me that i refused to let anyone get to know me, because once they did, they always seemed to leave. So I fear losing those i care about because it often felt like there where so few. i fear being forgotten because it feels so easy to be forgotten, why should anyone remember me? I fear being unwanted because i know i sometimes cling to those around me and can be a bit of a handful. who wants to be around someone whose just going to annoy them? especially since i never seem to be good enough. i'm not the smartest person, im not the fastest, the best at softball, the best at archery, and I'm rubbish at school. i know I'm smart, but thats not enough, all that matter are the grades i don't have and never will have. I never shoot a high enough score, i never hit or field well enough to suffice my parents expectations. So, I constantly fear that everyone will realize that there's nothing special or worth staying for when it comes to me and leave.
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