Assignment 13: Theodore

Next year’s Nobel Prize in Physics appears certain to go to two Boston professors for their experimental evidence for parallel universes. Only a few decades ago, parallel universes remained pure science fiction, but new interpretations of quantum physics led scientists to seriously consider that this universe may not be the only one. But no one could find solid evidence proving the existence of parallel realities — until now. Professors Tegmark and Kleitman, in their groundbreaking paper published this July, showed that “any sufficiently organized system, such as the Internet, receives significant quantum interference from similar systems across the multiverse.” But what is the “significant quantum interference” caused by parallel universes?

It’s fake news. As Professor Tegmark explained, most incorrect information on the Internet is not really false; it’s real news that drifted over from a parallel universe. Of course, the Internet still contains normal lies, but news articles that mysteriously appear probably originate in an alternate world. Professor Kleitman first noticed the quantum interference in late 2016: “A friend told me to look at the fake-news articles claiming that Donald Trump had won the popular vote. Some articles claimed he won by a million votes; others, five million. When I looked at the statistical distribution of vote totals, it matched my quantum-interference theory almost exactly. I concluded that these news stories were coming from alternate realities.”

But Professors Tegmark and Kleitman’s discovery didn’t stop there. According to Tegmark, “even theoretical physicists like me have not been able to ignore the partisan rancor in the past few years, and fake news is the major cause.” This August, an independent research team determined that 95% of the falsehoods on the Internet in March 2017 spilled over from parallel universes. To combat this problem, Tegmark and Kleitman wrote an editorial arguing that America must return to a telegraph-based communication system — immune to quantum-related fake news —  until researchers find out how to prevent alternate realities from influencing the Internet. Concluding the opinion piece on a high note, Tegmark pointed out that “without quantum influences that create fake news, Americans will soon agree on a common set of facts.”

Note: As far as I know, fake news doesn’t come from parallel universes. However, some physicists, such as Professor Max Tegmark, believe that, based on our current understanding of the universe, alternate realities exist. Professor Daniel Kleitman has investigated genes and combinatorics, but he currently does not believe in parallel universes.