Assignment 19 - Erin

I’m not one to –shall we say– gracefully receive advice from others. I pride myself on being independent, probably a bit too much. That being said, I’m sad to say that I’ve never had someone personally give me a piece of advice that has stuck with me for all my years. I have, however, had many instances with finding advice through other things. Art forms speak to me more than people really (I know, how depressing and strange).

Last year, I watched the film Little Miss Sunshine (2006) for the first time, and it was quite the experience for me. At the time, I was reeling from an anxiety attack/depressive episode, and I simply needed to shut down and watch a good film. For me, good films are self-care. Unsure of what might make life seem a little brighter, I casually tweeted (so cool) one of my filmmaking/female role models: an independent director/writer/actress named Hazel Hayes. I asked if she had any film recommendations for a stressed student who just needed to feel better. She replied with the aforementioned film title. Trusting her taste, I dove right in and it was spooky how much that film said everything I needed to hear.

If you’re unfamiliar with the film, it follows a dysfunctional family and their roadtrip to California for their daughter to compete in a beauty pageant. As with any great road film, the cast of characters drive the story. And, boy, did these characters have something to say to me. I was bombarded by quote after quote that altered my outlook on my life.

“A real loser is someone who’s so afraid of not winning he doesn’t even try.” I am deeply afraid of failure. Always have been. But recently I’ve been trying to remember this quote when I’m at the point of giving up. I’m much too big-headed to concede to being “a real loser,” so I try to become motivated into at least giving my all. If my best doesn’t win, oh well, at least I gave it my best.

“I wish I could just sleep until I was eighteen and skip all this crap high school and everything, just skip it.” “Ah, think of the suffering you’re gonna miss! I mean high school? High school, those are your prime suffering years. You don’t get better suffering than that.” The conversation in which those quotes appear really struck a nerve with me. For the past three years I’ve been the one who wished she could go to sleep and wake up at eighteen, free and ready for life. But I’m an artist. And what better way to become a better artist than to embrace suffering?

And I can’t forget the poignant ending to the scene quoted above: “You do what you love, and f--k the rest.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself.