Assignment 4 - Erin

What do you want to be when you grow up? That seed is planted in our brains from a very young age. Personally, I can't remember a time that I wasn't thinking about that question.

From about where my conscious memory picks up, I remember aspiring to become a professional writer. A novelist. In elementary and middle school, I always carried a notebook, a habit that has stuck with me even today. I read constantly. I wrote stories. I didn't feel whole without a notebook on my person. My family encouraged me; they read my stories, talked about books with me, told me I could be a writer if that's what I wanted. They supported me.

But around the seventh grade, my confidence in my skills as a writer plummeted. I started to question what I really want to do with my life. Existential crisis mode activated. I reevaluated all the things I enjoy in life. I put my thoughts into very simple terms: What do I enjoy about life? I enjoy seeing people react to things I've created. I enjoy making people feel things by creating things. For the next couple years, I rode that wave of thinking "I'll do something creative as a career," and I was content in that.

At the start of high school, I reopened the case for my career and challenged it more seriously. In the end I determined this: I enjoy telling stories, but find it difficult to come up with my own. I enjoy interpreting other stories, and seeing how people react to my interpretation. Helping to visualize the ideas of someone else would be the perfect career for me. In short, that's how I decided to become a film director.  But this led to the fear of uncertainty that comes with these aspirations. In pursuing this career, I'll have a much more uncertain future than a student who is pursuing –say– a medical degree. I know that my family (supportive as they try to be) worries for me, and that they most likely wish I'd stuck to a more practical career.

At this point, the full weight of my decision hasn't quite hit. As I plot my course to college, it's coming toward me. The reality of my future is that it will be difficult. But I made the decision. I chose to pursue what I love. And feeling certain about that assures me that, though I may not lead a conventional life (or one like anyone in my family), I'll be going after what I truly want.