Assignment 3 – Dilni Abeyrathne

In reading the prompt, I realize that my experiences in another country reside right here, on American soil, rather than the other way around. Several years ago, my life was forever changed by my arrival to the United States with my family. I remember that day well: dark, snowy, and colorful. It was late at night when we arrived and snow was to be seen everywhere. I was fascinated that day, fascinated of arriving in this mysterious place so different from my home. Thus, my journey began.

At first I found it strange. Why was there so much snow? Why couldn’t I understand anyone? Why were there bright lights and decorations everywhere (we arrived close to Christmas Day)? It took me a while to adjust a little; I still haven’t adjusted fully. Sometime later, I met a friend who helped me adjust tremendously, and still does. With her help, I was able to comprehend life in the United States. It first started with school. In my birth country, schools are segregated according to gender and we were required to wear a white uniform and style our hair a specific way. In America, it was the complete opposite. We can wear what we please and style our hair as we desired. This freedom was alien to me, as I was long accustomed to following a strict, and heavily enforced, dress code. But, I adjusted in due time and learned along the way the strong sense of freedom and individuality that was present in the US. I feel that those values have intertwined their way into my standards and made me the person I am today.

Another aspect I found quite strange was the familiarity of addressing other people, including family members. In America, I have learned that it is acceptable and common to address family members by their first name (excluding parents, of course). This was an alien custom to me, as I was not used to addressing family with names. In my country, we call all family members not by their name, but by a nickname of sorts stemming from their relation to the person addressing them. As such, I call my brother Malli (little brother) and my cousins Aiya (older brother), Malli, or Nangi (little sister). I also have special names for my other relations, but since it is extensive, I have not included all of them here. The custom is also the similar for unrelated people and friends. Unrelated people are usually addressed as “Auntie”, “Uncle”, “Aiya”, “Malli”, “Akki” (older sister), or “Malli”, depending on age. Friends are usually addressed in the brother/sister terms stated earlier. In America, however, that was not the case, as addressing people by the name seems to be the norm. I had not known such familiarity existed before my arrival. This is one of aspects I haven’t incorporated into my life, with the exception of addressing friends.

 Presently, I live a life marked by two distinct cultures, though I like to keep one of them closer than the other. As a result, I have developed a few quirks that mix both cultures together, especially when speaking either language. Knowing and using both Sinhala and English has been a struggle sometimes (adding Spanish to the mix certainly did not help). Thus, one of my strange behaviors developed. Living in America has made me accustomed to using English. As such, I sometimes speak it at home with my family. However, I often switch between English and Sinhala, resulting in a strange English accent whenever I speak English at home. Though not always proud of the fact, I find it a prime example of how two cultures have intertwined.

In coming here, my life has changed greatly, for the better and for the worse. In terms of “the better”, I have received a fantastic education, better than my country could offer for grade school. I have accumulated so much knowledge in my time here and have had so many opportunities I could not have had in my country. I have also met so many wonderful people: teachers, friends, and others. In addition, I’ve absorbed some American values, such as individuality and an open mind. I have learned to work for myself and to not be restricted by long-held values. In terms of “the worse”, I fear that I have lost some skill in my language. Although I can read, write, and speak it, I have lost the speed and accuracy that I had before my arrival here. I have also lost long-term contact with my extended family and half of my childhood. Separated by a vast ocean and two continents, my family and I were, and still are, effectively isolated. As a result, half of my childhood was lost. No longer was I able to play with my cousins, have conversations with my relatives, and live a life where my family was within easy reach. All that was left was my immediate family and a friend I call a sister. As the years go past, this realization has become more and more apparent. Presently, I find myself constantly homesick, wishing that my family was closer, wishing that I could visit them often. In all honesty, sometimes I feel teary-eyed at this, but life still progresses.

Although my emotions remain mixed about that fateful day in the past and my journey from them, I feel that I have become a better person. Living in the United States has taught me to be view the world with an open mind, to strive to understand others, and perhaps most importantly to not be weighed down by long-held beliefs. Though I strive relentlessly to keep my birth culture with me, I have learned to be more free. Thus, my life was flipped upside down the moment I bid farewell to my beloved home.