Assignment 21- Kristin

As an aspiring musician and writer, failure and rejection is something that I'm going to have to come to terms with.  There are so many other artists out there with insane talent and commitment, and it can be hard sometimes to compete, even just as a student.

I deal with this rejection and competition more often than you'd think in my daily life.  I find myself constantly comparing myself to other dancers and dance, to other musicians at orchestra events, to other writers when grading essays in class.  That voice in our heads (that I'm sure we're all familiar with) feels that need to remind me that I'm not as good as this person and that person, and it can be quite confidence-degrading.  It goes for the opposite, too.  I unfortunately also try to pick out the people I'm "better" than, to attempt to repair my wounded spirit.  This works about as well as placing a Band-Aid on a broken bone.

One recent feeling of rejection was finding out that I didn't make it into GSA, a summer music program I was really looking forward to and hoping I would get to experience.  For some reason, during the days leading up to the release of the people who made it in, I had a feeling that I wouldn't get in, but it hurt nonetheless.  For a fleeting moment, I felt as if my dream to be a musician would remain only that: a dream.

However, something I've learned from obstacles like these is that one failure does not define one's abilities.  If I do grow up to be a famous musician, will I really be introduced as "Kristin Earnest, who didn't make it into GSA her junior year"?  Of course not.  I will be recognized for my true accomplishments, for the wonderful things I got to be a part of, and that I'm actually proud of.  "Kristin Earnest, who was in the highest youth orchestra in the state."  "Kristin Earnest, who played professional Broadway music in high school without any other instruments in her section."  "Kristin Earnest, who put as much of her being as she could into her craft and who truly lived and breathed music."  That's who I want to be, and my failures will only push me farther in that direction.

There will always be other summer programs, other classes to take, other experiences to be a part of.  We must not let failures and obstacles keep us from pursuing what we ache to pursue.  After all, what's an obstacle that can't be climbed over, dug under, or circled around?